Monday, March 8, 2010

Birthday Party in the USA!

Happy birthday to someone still young enough to become a professional curler

I think the mark of a good birthday party is that I am still drunk the next day. So if this post is slightly incoherant, you can blame it on the 15 birthday shots I took last night.

Now, I have had some awesome birthday parties in the past. Last year was at a bar downtown with stripper poles. The year before was an open bar with food in Union Square. With food because my father was afraid that if I didn't serve food, nobody would come. He doesn't really understand that my friends are alcoholics. There was my 21st birthday where I started throwing up in the bathroom of the bar before it was even my birthday.

Oh and there was the awesome 13th birthday party I had at a dance hall where the boys and girls stayed on opposite ends of the room pretty much the entire time until we had a hula hooping contest that my little sister lost in the finals (she's still pretty upset about that, so I wouldn't bring it up around her). And I had my first slow dance with a boy to Boyz II Men's On Bended Knee.

But all of that pales in comparison to the awesomeness that was last night.

Sick of disastrous birthday parties and not so pleased about getting older, I didn't want to make a big deal of this birthday. I drove my friends crazy for weeks because I refused to make any concrete plans. However, when I figured out that this may be my last birthday in New York City for a while, I wanted to get my friends together.

So we all gathered at our favorite local dive bar to celebrate the day of my birth. With some Miley Cyrus on the jukebox, a constant flow of alcohol in my direction, and pretty much everyone I love in the same room having a good time, I felt like the luckiest (and drunkest) girl alive.

I don't think there's anything as wonderful as taking a step back in a room where your worlds are collding and seeing all your groups of friends collide and mesh well together. It's nice to see your friends from work laughing with your college friends. And it's even better to feel loved by amazing people that I am proud to call my friends.

But enough of that, on to the comedic highlights of the night:

1) A and I were the first ones to arrive at the bars, both of us in slightly skimpy outfits. So immediately we were spied by two creepsters at the bar, who proceeded to physically turn their bar stools around so they could blatantly stare at us. I, being scared of weird men, avoided eye contact like the plague and stared awkardly at the wall. A, on the other hand, decided to smile at them.

Well after that, they didn't even try to hide the fact that they were contemplating a plan to make an approach. They would look at each other, discuss, look at us, look at each other, discuss, look at us, etc, etc. Luckily other people started to arrive shortly thereafter, which at least took my attention off of them. Then my guy friend T showed up and A started waving like a maniac to get his attention.

Unfortunate timing: Creepster Numero Uno happened to be in between T and A (ha, T&A, awesome) and thought A was trying to get his attention. So she literally shook her head and pointed at T, as in, "No Weird Guy, I am not wildly gesticulating at you, I was excited to see my actual friend, the guy behind you."

The look of disappointment on Creepster Numero Uno's face was epic.

This, however, didn't detract him from trying again. At some point both the creepsters managed to sneak their way into our crowd and start talking to my friends, pretending they knew them. Creepster Numero Uno literally said to a girfriend of mine: "I've heard things about you, like you can tie a cherry knot with your tongue in under 20 seconds."

Weird. And no, it did not work (in case you were under the impression that's a good way to pick up girls.)

2) I had a ridiculously awkward conversation with Awkward (redundant, much?). Now, this is not a new development since pretty much all of my interactions with him in the past have been intensely uncomfortable.

Since I was drunk and I thought it was the pink elephant in the room, I decided to tell my friends, strangers to him, the whole story of how he had tried to give me my phone number back and then had never called me. He, naturally, got defensive and was totally put on the spot. Bad move on my part.

But then when he was leaving, he came to say good-bye to me and wish me a happy birthday and I apologized for my poor behavior but said, in all fairness, he had just told one of my friends that he only spends time with people "he wants to get to know," so he probably shouldn't have said that in front of me.

He said that he does want to get to know me, and that was why he had made the effort to put in an appearance at my birthday. I told him there were no hard feelings and things were cool. Then we proceeded to have this conversation:

Me: So I'm going to California on Thursday and I'll be there for a little less than a week so maybe when I get back, we can chat.

Awkward: Why are you going to California?

Me: I got accepted to a school out there so I'm going to go to the open house and see if I want to go.

Awkward: Where will you be?

Me: I'm spending a few days with my sister in Silicon Valley but we're meeting up with friends in San Francisco on Saturday.

Awkward: Um, I'll be there.

Me: Where?

Awkward: In San Francisco. That's where I'm from.

Me: I know you're from San Fran, but why will you be there?

Awkward: I have Spring Break so I'm going to go see my family and friends.

Me: Wow that's a coincidence.

Awkward: So you'll be in San Fran on Saturday night?

Me: Yeah I'm getting dinner and going out with my sister and some friends.

Awkward: Well maybe we can hang out.


Me: (confused) What?

Awkward: We should all go out.

Me: You want to hang out with me and my sister and my friends in California?

Awkward: Yeah, why not?

Me: I dunno...

Awkward: I'll call you, we'll talk about meeting up in San Fran.

Now, does anyone else find it intensely strange that this is the same guy who didn't want to go out to dinner with me in the city where we live about 40 blocks from each other, but wants to hang out with me on the other coast when I'm spending time with my sister and friends out there?

Like yes, I know the kid is awkward, but this is now just bizarre. I have no idea what to make of this behavior. I am going to assume that he was just drunk and had no idea what he was saying and I'll never hear from him.

3) I had a slew of inappropriate things to said to me, yet again. I guess this time I can blame it on the short skirt I was wearing, but my friend's roommate (who has a serious girlfriend) grabbed my ass and pretended he didn't have a girlfriend.

My friend J brought a guy friend of his and after I was introduced to him briefly, the friend told J, in front of me, "So have you two ever slept together?"

J and I laughed since we have been friends for a long time.

Then his friend said, "I don't understand why you've never slept with her. I would do the dirtiest things to her if I could."

Right in my face. I laughed really awkwardly and extricated myself from the situation and avoided him for the remainder of the evening.

Awkward and uncomfortable situations aside, I had a great birthday weekend. Normally, I make a list of presents I want months in advance to hand out to my friends and family so they will get me something I really want. And when they asked for my list this year, I told everyone that I'm actually good this year. Little sister E was so confused she asked me what I had done with her sister.

But the truth is, I have everything that a girl could want and asking for any more would just be too much.

So happy birthday to me!

1 comment:

Anonymous said... you're saying the 5lb gummy bear wasn't necessary?!!