Dating's So Blah

You'd think with the lack of dating and available men in my life, my standards would be lower. It turns out that the opposite has happened: now I have such little tolerance for another person that the smallest things annoy me and I start internally raging the second someone says something remotely irksome.

My first date with Blah Boy was ok. It wasn't great, but it also wasn't the worst date in the world, which is saying a lot since it was a blind date. Granted, I had low expectations going in, but the conversation flowed easily and he wasn't a total troll. I figured out about halfway through that there wasn't a spark and I wasn't really attracted to him, but also know from experience that sometimes that takes time, so I was willing to go out with him again, but was already plotting how to maneuver out of an end-of-date kiss. Luckily for me, it was pouring rain, practically typhooning that night, and when he put me in a cab, he was unable to maneuver a kiss while trying to keep his umbrella from flying away.

Within two minutes of getting in the cab, I got a text that said, "I had such a great time and hope you did too. Let's do it again really soon :)"

I. Hate. This. I was already trying to evaluate if I was even into him and if I wanted to see him again and right away he put it out there. The text translated into, "I am so into you even though you might not be into me. Please please please please see me again."

I sent him a vague noncommittal text the following day to which he responded, "I'm going away next week for spring break, so can I take you to dinner on Sunday before I leave?"

Me: I have a friend coming into town this weekend, so on Sunday I have a pile of papers to grade.

Blah Boy: But you have to eat, don't you? Just take a break with me :)

First of all, seriously, what is up with all the emoticons? Is there anything more emasculating that one can do in a text? Second of all, I said I had work to do. Asking me again isn't going to make me any more inclined to go out with you. In fact, it's pissing me off, which makes me never want to see you again.

Me: I really can't. I have that much work to do.

Blah Boy: Ok, how about when I'm back from spring break? Are you free a week from Saturday?

Me: I'm not sure. Let's play it by ear.

The odds weren't looking good for him.

However, when I relayed this to all my friends, they said that he was just being eager and since I had nothing else going on in my life, what did I really have to lose.

So that's how I found myself on a second date with him two weeks later, which is great, because it gave me the opportunity to truly and actively abhor him.

Let me say here that there was nothing really wrong with Blah Boy and all that is about to happen was not malicious in any way. He was not a douchebag, not an asshole (I know, rare for me); he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. Unfortunately, he was also kind of a rube from upstate New York, who grew up pretty sheltered, is a few years younger than me, and just didn't seem to have much experience with life/girls/normal people in general. So here are some of the highlights of the night:

Blah Boy: So how are things going at school?

Me: Good! I have a ton of work to do, but I really do love it. I even missed the kids during spring break.

Blah Boy: (laughs) That's so nerdy!

Me: Ummmm ok...

Blah Boy: Sorry I was late. I'm so tired because I was out til 4AM last night.

Me: Seriously? What were you doing?

Blah Boy: Went out for happy hour with some people from school and we just got a little crazy.

Me: Wow. I went out to happy hour with school friends too, but I was home by 9 and in bed by 11.

Blah Boy: Really? That's so lame.

Me: (getting defensive) Um, we are all teachers who have to be at school by 8, teach all day, and then have class at night. It's really exhausting.

Blah Boy: Yeah ok.

Me: Soooo...do you live alone or do you have roommates?

Blah Boy: I have two roommates. I could never live alone.

Me: Really? I love it.

Blah Boy: No, I'm the kind of person that always needs to be around other people, so I need people to be there to talk to when I come home.

Me: O...K....yeah I really like being alone.

Blah Boy: Really? That's so weird.

Me: I don't think so. I like my independence. As I've gotten older, I've craved more and more alone time.

Blah Boy: Huh.

Me: Yeah I haven't had a roommate since college. I had a bad experience and have lived alone since.

Blah Boy: Really, what happened?

Me: I moved in with a good friend of mine and we just did not get alone and by the end of the year, we actively disliked each other and haven't spoken since. It ruined our friendship, so now I'm much more cautious about that. I think when you live together, little quirks get on your nerves that don't bother you as much when you're just friends.

Blah Boy: Seriously? That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

Me: How so?

Blah Boy: I have never heard of two girls getting into a fight that led them to not be friends anymore.

Me: Are you kidding me? Do you know girls?

Blah Boy: Yeah...the girls I know don't do that.

So at this point, not only did I want to claw his eyes out, I was starting to think that I was the crazy one. Later, when I recapped the conversation with all of my girlfriends and my sister E (who, if anyone, would be the one to never get into a fight with a girl that would end their friendship) and unanimously they all agreed that he has never interacted with females. Otherwise, he would know that girls quite often get into fights that lead to the end of friendships.

After this date, I was not at all inclined to ever see Blah Boy again. During the course of one dinner, he managed to make me feel stupid for liking my job, being tired after teaching all day, and getting into fights with a roommate a decade ago. On top of all of this, I found him to be pretty boring and one-dimensional.

Somehow, despite the awkwardness of this date, he thought it had gone pretty well. The next day, he texted me to tell me what a great time he'd had and how he couldn't wait to see me again and added me as a friend on Facebook. When he received no responses from either of these venues, he texted again to ask me what my plan for the week was. I also ignored this text.

After that, he got the point, and I haven't heard from Blah Boy since.

And that has been the extent of my dating experiences in the past six months. Thank God it's summer.