Monday, November 16, 2009

Just Call Me Sloth

I'd consider going out tonight if I wasn't so tired from thinking about how to get out of going out tonight

As my FORMER friends have pointed out to me, my last blog post was lackluster and anti-climactic. My explanation is that my life has been considerably less exciting as of late, partly due to a nasty cold that lingered for two weeks, a sprained right foot, and a standardized test slash grad school applications.

So aside from ranting to my friends about how the standardized testing system is clearly an elaborate pyramid scheme invented by some greedy psychopath and watching every minute of the World Series, I really haven't been getting out that much.

Therefore, instead of booze and boys being a prevalent part of my existence for the past few weeks, my life has pretty much revolved around:

1) Reruns of 30 Rock. Who knew that Alec Baldwin could be so funny? And that Tracy Morgan could have a real career?

2) The discovery of curry fries, a delightful synergistic combination that I cannot believe I didn't discover years ago. The scarfing down that ensued would make Liz Lemon proud.

3) New vocabulary words. I don't care how much my friends make fun of me. Imbroglio (definition: a complicated and embarrassing situation) is quite possibly my new favorite word in the English language. And no, when you look up the definition in the dictionary, there is NOT a picture of me present. But there really should be...

Also genius, the sentences I came up with to help me memorize vocabulary words, such as:

Truculent (definition: argumentative, belligerent): My friend S tends to be very truculent when people root for a different college football team than her. It scares boys when she gets in their faces and yells at them aggressively in bars.

Punctilious (definition: careful, concerned with precise accordance with the details of codes and convention): Ha, my sister is such a law-abiding citizen she refuses to cross the street unless the light turns green. She once stood at a light that was broken for a full minute after I had crossed; how very punctilious of her!

Impecunious (definition: penniless, poor): Ew, if any dude I meet is impecunious, he is immediately put in the rejection pile

I think I should definitely run an SAT-prep class for teenagers. My vocabulary memorization strategy is the best!

4) Glee. I like everything about it. The hilarious Jane Lynch. The guest appearance by Kristin Chenoweth. The yummy but not particularly bright Corey Monteith (awww honey, girls can't get pregnant from hot tubs). And especially all the music, which I cannot stop listening to.

5) Sudafed and Mucinex. The real stuff that I need a pharmacist to give me from behind the counter to prevent people from cooking up crystal meth in barns. I made the mistake of taking the recommended dosage of two pills one day and couldn't understand why I felt so cracked out. I cleaned my entire apartment, including the kitchen and bathroom, and did two loads of laundry, all while talking really fast to myself.

Later, after I made the connection, I contemplated taking three pills the next day to run the marathon. I'm not sure if Mucinex counts as a "performance-enhancing drug," but I guess Andre Agassi would be more qualified to answer that. (Oh, SNAP!)

(Also really hilarious: when I explained to little sister E that I needed to give my driver's license so the pharmacy can track consumer purchases in an attempt to stop people from making crystal meth out of Sudafed, her response was, "I'm confused. Why would someone take Sudafed to get high? What, do they just get really, really decongested? Do they tell their friends, 'Hey, I can breathe so well through my nose now, it's the most amazing thing ever, how clear my sinuses are, you gotta try this!'?")

6) Shopping. Hey, a girl needs a little something to take the edge off when she's sniffly and has been trying to squeeze 26 years of her life into two single-spaced pages. And that is where online shopping and excursions "just to see what's in stores" have saved my mental health.

On a totally unrelated side note, I also learned that when I venture within ten feet of a store, I will inevitably purchase something that I "have to have". I think it's a sickness.

7) More awkward conversations with my father. My parents are going away in the beginning of 2010 and when I asked if they will be back for my birthday in March, my dad responded, "Ooooh, are you still celebrating that? Don't you think you're getting a little too old to tell people that it's your birthday?"

He also complained that I never cook for him (which apparently is some sort of obligation since I'm a daughter and not a son, but don't get me started on that) and when I countered that he hasn't ever cooked for me either he said, "That's not true! I cooked you dinner that one time when your mom had to go somewhere at night. Remember? I made you noodles?"

No, I don't remember - when was this? Oh, that's right, when I was THREE years old. Apparently in the past 26 years my father has cooked for me once and expected me to remember it even though it occurred 23 years ago. He was shocked that I have no recollection of this monumental event.

8) Enjoying the last of the mild autumn weather because as soon as it dips below 30 degrees my natural instinct is to hibernate. That's also my excuse for eating all that curry fries; I am fattening myself up to survive the cruel winter.

1 comment:

Allison said...

I like it but I think you forgot to mention Community. And really - your FORMER friends...not so much.