Monday, January 4, 2010

Welcome, 2010!

Avoid noisy, expensive, overhyped New Year's Eve parties by hanging out at our place wondering what you're missing at those parties

I hate holidays that have a lot of pressure associated with them. There are always so many expectations for holidays like Valentine's Day and Halloween and New Year's Eve, especially in a city like New York, that people start making their plans months in advance and then discuss all the awesome things they are planning on doing.

So now as I get older (and crankier), I am less inclined to do anything at all and would rather just sit in my apartment wearing my pajamas instead of fighting for my personal space on the streets of Manhattan.

And due to my inability to make plans this year for New Year's Eve, I finally just decided to host a party at my apartment and invite everyone I like and trust not to mess up my furniture, which is only like five people. (Once again, the getting crankier with age spinster thing. It's entirely likely that I start covering my furniture with plastic in the next couple years.)

I didn't get to wear my sweatpants, but I did get to ring in the new year inside my warm apartment with people I actually enjoy spending time with, pink champagne, and red velvet cupcakes.

When R and I decided to try to venture outside for the after-party, we encountered a shit-show of proportions I haven't witnessed since that spring break I spent in Cancun a decade ago. It consisted of my two least favorite types of drunk people: the fighters and the pukers.

Apparently New Year's makes other people feel violent as well because there were multiple fights breaking out and I saw a guy whose entire shirt was covered in his own blood. Then there were multiple people puking in the streets and after I got into my elevator, the guy that entered after me announced, "I don't think I am going to make it to my apartment...If I don't puke in here I'm definitely going to puke in the hallway."

I politely asked him to aim away from me and got the hell outta there as quickly as I could. Luckily he lived on a higher floor so I didn't have to find out if he did end up puking all over the hallway.

And yes, I am an asshole, but I did laugh when I saw a woman literally fall face-first out of her cab and into a bike rack. Yes, it was slushy outside, but she was definitely completely wasted.

People, what is the point of getting so drunk that you can't make it to your own toilet to puke and you face plant getting out of a cab? Yes, it is a holiday when we celebrate a brand new year, but really, if you think about it, it's just another day. If you want to get that drunk, OBVIOUSLY you save it for an actually important day like ChamPAIN Tuesday.

I suppose in an ideal world I would have Mary Poppins-like powers that would have allowed me to clean up my apartment with a snap of my fingers, and there would've been a special someone for me to kiss at midnight, but even taking those things into consideration, it was a pretty great start to 2010.

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