Thursday, December 31, 2009

Days of Auld Lang Syne

I resolve to stop having meaningless sex in 2010, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP

On the last day of 2009, I reflect and reminisce over the adventures I had over this last year. Let's sum up the highlights, why don't we?

- I dated some real winners, including the biggest fail in the history of well, history, a dirty manwhore who told me on our first date that I'm too arrogant and confident, the genius who couldn't recognize dinosaur bones and had never been to a museum before, and the creme de la creme, an idiotic bandanna-sporting douchebag.

- My girlfriends provided me with endless hours of hilarity and multiple nights of hijinx; one of the best included crashing a bachelor party, a lot of tequila, and then scamming some guys into a beer-pong tournament on their roof.

- I played Spin the Bottle for the first time in over a decade and discovered why I should stay away from Murray Hill.

- My family decided that I am officially a spinster.

- I found out that unlimited champagne served by a midget in a pirate suit leads to an absolutely horrendous hangover and a sprained foot.

- I started punching guys in the nuts. Good for mankind, bad for douchebags. And sometimes, bad for me.

- I relived the glory days of college, complete with tailgating, sketchy fraternity parties, and even more importantly, sketchy fraternity guy late-night booty calls.

All in all, if I had to sum up the year in a phrase, it would be "banana pancakes," the code words I came up with to let my friends know when I'm in trouble (i.e. if I slipped "banana pancakes" into a phrase like "I have a hankering for some delicious banana pancakes for breakfast," they would interpret it as an SOS and get me the hell outta there). There were a great deal of "banana pancakes" moments in 2009.

So I'd like to thank my girls for a year filled with more laughter and memories than I know what to do with. In all seriousness, I'm not sure I would've survived the disaster we will come to know as 2009 without my besties by my side. R, S, A, this one's for you:

May you wake up New Year's Day underneath a man instead of a pile of women's magazines

Happy 2010 everyone!!!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

A bonus post! Unfortunately, I did NOT wake up under a man but did encounter two pukers on the one block I walked on NYE.