A Story of Closure

Two years ago, on this exact day in 2007, I started writing a blog. (Happy anniversary to me!) The impetus behind it was that I had gone through a terrible, painful, earth-shattering breakup after a relationship of three years and was for the first time in my adult life learning now to be single and to date and I wanted to share my adventures with my friends and the rest of the world.

The relationship was, for the most part, bad. He was immature and obnoxious and a total mama's boy whose mother still did his laundry and asked him if his bowel movements were regular. But, as I learned the hard way, you don't get to choose who you fall in love with, so I just ignored the warnings from my friends and family for years that I was out of his league in every possible way and he would never be able to make me happy.

After he moved out of our apartment, leaving me with a slew of memories I wanted no part of, I moved onto my couch and cried for a month before I was ready to enter the outside world again. It pretty much resembled a Bridget Jones movie, minus the charming Brits.

And every small step was a giant victory, the first time I gave out my phone number, the first kiss, the first date, the first time I got caught dating a coworker, the first time I dumped a guy over instant messenger and posted the conversation online...

So in a way, this entire blog was a reaction to my painful breakup, my way of coping through the crazy guys in NY and the bad dates and the day I finally went to sell the ring he had knelt down and put on my finger. I suppose, then, that I have him to thank for this.

(Oh, and my friends and family were right all along; six months after we broke up, I found out through mutual friends that he had been cheating on me, and was now dating the girl he had cheated on me with. I wish her the best. Seriously. It's going to take a very resilient woman to put up with his bullshit. And his overbearing mom.)

Now, why am I giving this dry, rambling history?

Because a few Tuesdays ago, at a ChamPAIN Tuesday repeat, to be precise, I ran into this guy who I haven't seen since he broke up with me and moved out of our apartment over two years ago.

Now, being a writer, I had written this scene out a dozen ways, all of which obviously ended with me looking fabulous on the arm of Bradley Cooper or Chris Pine, while the Douchebag Ex whimpered and stumbled away in agony.

In reality, though, this is how the scene played out:

Douchebag Ex: Hi, I thought it was you.

Me: Yep, it's me, how are you doing? I heard you were laid off, did you get a new job?

Douchebag Ex: Yeah, yeah I have a new job, working for a French bank doing the same thing. I like it I guess. You? I know you left your last job...

Me: Yeah, I quit my job last year. I just really wasn't happy and I wanted to write. So I'm doing that now. Working on novels and my blog and freelancing for magazines and whatnot...it's really great work.

Douchebag Ex: That's nice. Are you still living in the same apartment?

Me: No, I moved, where are you living now?

Douchebag Ex: I live down here. I moved in with my girlfriend. What about you? Any dudes in your life?

Me: Many dudes.

Awkward Pause.

Douchebag Ex: It's weird to run into you like this. I actually thought of contacting you the other day.

Me (Hostile): Why would you do that?

Douchebag Ex (Taken Aback): Um...I saw this picture of you on Facebook - you were in a Halloween costume dressed as a sailor or something and you looked great so I was going to friend you.

Me (More Hostile): Yeah, please don't do that.

Douchebag Ex (More Taken Aback): Oooook...well do you want to get together sometime? Do you have the same phone number?

Me (Blatant Lie): Nope, I changed my number

Douchebag Ex: Can I have it?

Me: No.

Douchebag Ex: Well...mine is the same, do you still have mine?

Me: No I deleted that a long time ago, and I've been much happier that way.

Douchebag Ex: So I guess you really don't want to talk or let me explain anything my side of the story to you at all?

Me: Nope, I don't want you in my life. I think you're toxic and you clearly didn't care about me. I think you proved that with your actions, so the last thing I want is to have anything to do with you.

Another Awkward Pause

Douchebag Ex: Well you look really great, you haven't changed at all, I remember those jeans...but since this is what you want it I guess I'll go this way...until the next time we run into each other.

Me: Bye.

And I got to watch him walk away from me yet another time.

But this one was different; it was on my terms and it was because I had done my best to make him feel about thisbig, hopefully succeeding in that endeavor. And because I had laid out my ground rules and set incredibly clear boundaries, he left knowing in no uncertain terms to stay away.

After all, he lied to me, he cheated on me, and he broke my heart; so really I don't know why it ever occurred to him that he might be allowed back in my life in any capacity whatsoever. This is just further evidence that he is a complete moron.

So this time, I felt no regret watching him walk away. I felt proud and relieved and sad (the little sad is natural, I think), but the rest of it was good. I felt surprisingly very few violent urges as well; who would've seen that one coming?!

I think in the end, the lesson I can walk away from this is that closure will find you, one way or another, whether you want it or not. Whether it's pretty or ugly, you will get thrown together with someone you have issues with until they are resolved. And even though this meeting was two years in the making, it was a relief to finally see him and to let him know that I am doing fantastic in every way without him.