Airplane Romance

I’m sitting in the airport because my flight to Atlanta has been delayed about four times due to inclement weather, and the scheduled departure is now about half an hour after my original arrival time, which is pretty exciting.

After figuring out that I was going to be stuck here for a while, and I had already bored of reading and listening to music, I thought the most entertaining way to pass the time would be to find some cute boys to flirt with in the waiting area.

Shockingly, there seemed to be a shortage of anyone that I would even consider conversing with, not to mention actual flirting.

Plus, this reminded me of the one time in my life that I have managed to meet someone on a plane, and boy, was that bad.

Years ago, I was on my way back from a trip to Florida with my family when this really, really gorgeous guy walked onto the plane. Right away I began praying to the Airplane Seating Gods that he was somehow seated next to me. And for the only time ever in my life, they answered my prayer and he plopped right down next to me.

It wasn’t long before we started talking. He worked relatively close to me, was a few years older, and had worked as a Ford model to pay his way through college. (Yes folks, that’s how gorgeous he was. This is what we call a SCORE!)

We talked all through the flight, and he walked with me to baggage claim, which is when he asked for my phone number. I got into a cab completely giddy over my luck.

We went out on our first date a week later, and started talking on a regular basis.

One Sunday, I was watching Dirty Dancing with my friend J when Plane Guy called. I told him what I was doing and he responded promptly with, “That is so dumb. I can’t believe you’re watching that movie. It’s just a stupid movie.”

When I told J this, he got very serious and said, “S, get out now! This guy is psycho.”

“Why? Just because he doesn’t like Dirty Dancing? How many totally heterosexual guys, other than you obviously, want to watch Patrick Swayze school Jennifer Grey in the art of the salsa?”

“It’s not about that. When you start dating someone, in the beginning, you don’t just put down anything they like outright like that. If he was normal and he liked you, even if he thought it was a stupid movie, he’d just say, ‘Oh that’s nice.’ The fact that he told you you’re dumb for watching a movie you like so bluntly implies that he is absolutely nuts. Trust me, in time it’ll show.”

I totally disregarded J’s advice, much to my chagrin later.

The following week Plane Guy and I had to plans to go out with a bunch of my friends so he could meet them, and mostly so I could show off my new man to my girls. He was in a mood, so right away the date was off to a rocky start. Throughout dinner, he just complained that I was on my phone constantly because I was texting my friends to confirm our plans for later.

Then when the bill arrived, he literally threw it in my face (yep, THREW it in my face) and said, “Hey there Princess, I paid last time, so why don’t you get the bill this time?”

No one had ever treated me like this before, so I just paid the bill in a daze, wondering what the hell was going on.

Then he said, “Hey I don’t feel like going out tonight, so why don’t we just stay in?”

I was flabbergasted and explained to him that I had been rallying my friends to go out and meet him, so I couldn’t just bail on them now.

“So you’d rather go hang out with your friends that you see all the time, then spend time with me?” he challenged me.

At this point, I was fed up, so I just said yes, and left him at the table to go meet my friends at a bar.

I stopped picking up his calls at this point.

About a week later, I started to get calls from a number I didn’t recognize. I didn’t pick them up but one day I got a voice mail and it was a laughing male voice saying, “Hey there S I met you the other day and I just wanted to let you know that you are a BITCH!” Multiple boys laughing in the background. “That’s right, you are a BITCH!” More male laughter.

It didn’t take long to put the pieces together. Plane Boy had gotten his friends to prank call me and they were all having one big laugh over it together. And this guy was almost thirty.

I saved the voice mail for as long as my cell phone provider would let me to remind me that J had been right. It had just started with making fun of a movie that I liked and blown into totally psychotic, immature behavior.

So now when a hot guy walks past me on the plane, I send out vibes to the Airplane Seating Gods to just let him keep walking. That’s right Buddy, keep going.