The Makeover

Now I adore all of my friends, but I have a particularly soft spot in my heart for my guy pal L. He's a really genuinely nice guy, which is kind of the mark of death for him. Because even though we girls always SAY we want the nice guy, the hot asshole guy is SO much more appealing in the end. Therefore, L has been striking out regularly with girls since he moved to New York a few years ago.

So a few months ago, I decided he would become my pet project and I would transform him into someone desirable to the ladies. We used to joke that if this was a romantic comedy, after I was done with the transformation, I would totally fall for him but then he'd be too cool for school to date me. (So not happening...)

The first step, and the easiest one, was his wardrobe. We spent about a month going to Barney's and Bloomingdales and Saks, picking out clothes and shoes that were stylish. I made him try on probably 50 pairs of jeans and had him turn around to "show me how his butt looked" in front of all the salespeople, much to his embarrassment.

Then I started educating him on pop culture and making him a more interesting person, giving him books to read and telling him all the ins and outs of Gossip Girl. Part of this was educating him on girls and what our pet peeves are, the kinds of things you should NEVER say to a girl (like telling her she's crazy).

Finally, and most crucially, I have started the lessons on how to be more of an asshole. The problem with L is that he is so upfront and friendly that there is absolutely no mystery, no mystique, none of that hot guy aloofness that makes us want them more. When a girl he liked called and asked what he was up to, he proceeded to give her the details of his afternoon, how he was shopping with his friend and we were currently at Jamba Juice waiting in line and blah blah blah.

Way too much information. Not sexy. And he said he was with a generic friend, instead of saying he was with a girl, which would've made her curious (and possibly jealous). So I've been coaching L by telling him he needs to act like he doesn't care, and stop being so open, so girls will be more intrigued by him instead of automatically tossing him into the friend zone.

We finally tried out the new L the other day at Saks. The saleslady and I were conversing about denim and L just grunted random responses when one of us would address him. As we walked away from the counter, I burst out laughing.

"What? Was I not aloof enough?" L asked me.

"I'm sorry, but instead of coming off aloof you just came off constipated the whole time," I told him.

Back to the drawing board...