Friday, August 15, 2008

Repeating Mistakes

Piggy-backing on my post from yesterday, in typical Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I have been pondering a question: if we can never break out of our set point, does that mean we never learn from our mistakes?

(Just to clarify, because there might have been some confusion, unlike physiological set points, which we are pretty much born with (due to genetics), I think psychological set points are acquired and honed over time. My boyfriends throughout high school and my first serious boyfriend were very different from the guys I have dated since, and don't at all resemble from my set point guy.)

Now, there have been multiple times that I have broken out of my typical mode and dated different guys, such as the blonde jock NJ Boy, the blonde unemployed stoner Logan Boy, and that idiot meathead guy I dated in college who couldn't spell so he always sent e-mails with their phonetic spellings (i.e. "succeed" became "suxeed." Actual exampull, I mean example).

(And just in case you were wondering, he went to one of the top medical schools in the country and is now a neurosurgeon. That's totally the guy you want operating on your brain...I mean he should be fine as long as the job doesn't involve spelling.)

But inevitably, no matter what, I always return to my type at the end of the day, my set point. Which led me to wonder today if we can ever really break out of that pattern for good. Clearly, dating assholey nerds hasn't been working out in my favor, but yet, I continue to do so. So at the end of the day, I have to wonder if we ever do learn from our mistakes, if we are even capable of it, because we cannot help who we are attracted to and will always return to our set point.

So even though everyone is always rationalizing breakups and shitty relationships by saying that we learn from them, do we ever really? Yes, I have learned from my failed relationships; I know now that I can't be with someone who's a complete moron, or who doesn't support my writing, or who is intensely hated by my friends and family, or who is heir to a steel fortune. But does all that stuff really matter if I keep returning to the same type of guy?

At this point, I am convinced that we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until we are smacked so hard on our asses that we have to change our ways.

Oh, and sorry peeps, I didn't end up talking to the hot nerd at the bar. Next time...

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