Watch Out Hotlanta!

Deciding Manhattan needed a break from the chaos that is my life, I headed to Atlanta to visit my friend R, and apparently brought the "most destructive tornado in years" with me, complete with two deaths and one person whose car flew four football fields away. I've been informed I'm not allowed back in the state until winter, when there is little chance of tornadoes. Whoops. Sorry about that Georgia.

Highlights from my trip:

1) The tornado. Woohoo! I think the only person that got more of a kick out of the footage of windows shattering and the Georgia Dome coming apart than I did was the weatherman that seemed to have been waiting his whole lifetime to deliver this story.

2) The most action I got was when a six-year old came up to my dinner table and offered to make me a "real-life Transformer" when he had "grown bigger." I'm holding you to that deal little guy!

3) Rita's Water Ice! Oh how I love thee.

Self-Evaluation Time

I'm taking a good, long look at my dating choices for the past couple months and it ain't pretty, which is why I probably should've left well enough alone.

First off, all the guys I've been dating seem to fall into a general category of pretty frat boy, which is something I really thought I'd grown out of since college, but apparently haven't. As if that wasn't bad enough, there is a general recurring theme of emotional unavailability, but I'm not sure that's specific to only the guys I date or to the general male population as a whole.

Taking this into account, it's probably a good idea that I am starting afresh, but I can't help but be worried that I've fallen into a pattern that I can't break out of, considering my two most recent projects include a guy I knew in college who now plays sports for a living (Commercial Boy) and a guy that E describes as a "four-year old in a grown up body" (Client Boy).

Hmmm....

My New Claim to Fame

So watching college hoops with my friend R in Atlanta, we've been seeing multiple sports commercials and he pointed out, unbeknownst to me, that one of our classmates from college was in a major commercial because he's now playing a sport professionally.

Although it probably wasn't THAT big a deal, I was immediately a little awed and starstruck (well seriously, what major commercials have YOU been in lately?). I remembered that I had run into Commercial Boy a couple years ago randomly in an airport and gotten his phone number then, and wondered if it was the same.

Therefore, I did the only logical thing and called him and when it went to voicemail, it seemed he had not changed his phone number. I congratulated him on the commercial and told him to call me back so we could catch up.

To my utter shock, he texted me the next day saying he was traveling so he couldn't call me back, but thank you for the message and we should get together the next time he was in New York. And that's how I ended up with a date next Monday with Commercial Boy.

I'm pretty excited about my date with the professional sports star who's kind of a big deal. I will be following this post up with a minute-by-minute liveblog of the date complete with photos.

More on Online Dating

Hanging out with my friend J the other night, he allowed me a peek at his online profiles on his online dating sites, including the M and the J (Match.com and J-Date if you need a refresher). I was highly impressed with the amount of care he had put into his profiles and even more amused that he listed "artichoke hearts and avocados" among his interests. You acknowledge those vegetable passions J!

(Actually, I was just informed that avocados are fruits, and as important as avocados are to me personally, this is an argument I feel is inappropriate in this particular forum. Stay tuned for the all-important fruit vs. vegetable debate on armyofavocadoes.com).

When asked how successful his ventures have been, J told me that he's gone out on a bunch of first dates with girls he met through his profiles, but it never panned into anything substantive. From speaking with my other friends, this seems to be the general trend. E met a guy through "the M," they saw each other a few times, and he's no longer really in the picture.

J told me, quite frankly, that for the most part the people on the M and the J are "pathetic losers" who can't find dates in real life, and you really have to weed through the unattractive people to get to the ones worth meeting in real life.

All in all, I still have mixed feelings on the internet dating thing, especially in Manhattan where it's so easy to meet people everywhere you go (if you can't tell from my running list of boys that I've met). I haven't gotten to the point yet where I can justify paying $40 a month to post a profile and find dates. Give me a few more months of disastrous dates, though, and I might have changed my tune.

Mixing Business With Pleasure

Last night I went out for celebratory belated "I quit my job" drinks with a former client of mine. It was the first time we had actually met face-to-face after multiple phone calls and e-mails, where I wasn't always friendly.

I immediately regretted being a biatch to him at any point in the past because he turned out to be incredibly gorgeous and sexy in person. We had a great time, involving a great deal of getting-to-know-each-other conversation and flirty touches.

He doesn't seem to be the sharpest tack in the barrel, but he's a good time without a doubt and definitely a fun person to have around. And since I just wrote off all the guys in my life from before my birthday, I'm glad that I have at least one fun distraction right now.

The new me isn't taking it very seriously though, and is ok whether he does or doesn't call. I'm leaving for Atlanta tomorrow so I plan on having a lot of fun there and parting with cute Southern boys so that when I return to Manhattan, I will have totally forgotten about Client Boy.

Don't Try This Without Supervision

So in an attempt to do something new and incorporate some new guys into my life since I have sworn off all the previous ones, I went out tonight with my friend B to our local bar spot. It was surprisingly crowded for a Tuesday night, but not quite full of winners, as one would expect.

We sat at one end of the bar and I spotted two cuties on the other side. Usually, in the past, I would've approached them and started chatting with them. However, since this was the new me (and I was feeling lazy since I was sitting on a stool and munching on chips), I turned to B and said, "I think I'm going to buy them beers and see what happens."

I called the bartender over and pointed out the guys: "Please buy each of them a beer and put it on my tab."

He kind of rolled his eyes (yes, I know the whole thing was kind of silly, but whatever), but he did and we promptly got waves from the boys. Instead of coming over (like they were supposed to do, duh), they just drank their free beers. B and I sat on our end of the bar, fuming, until the bartender came back and poured us two shots, "courtesy of the boys over there." We smiled at them, toasted, and took our shots (some sort of watermelon deliciousness).

As if all this wasn't juvenile and ridiculous enough, B and I then proceeded to take a napkin and write them a note (I will attribute this part of the story to the shots we just took). It said, "Thanks for the shots! Come over and chat with us. xoxo." We then handed the note to the bartender, who very visibly rolled his eyes at us this time, clearly peeved at being our messenger boy.

And still they did not come! One of the guys finally came over about ten minutes later and introduced himself as a law student from around the corner. He turned out to be pretty dull and worse, he wasn't as cute as he looked from fifteen feet away. It was disappointing, to say the least.

So, all in all, what did I end up with? Two beers on my tab, a free shot, and an angry bartender. Could be worse.

A New Start

After sobering up from all the birthday festivities, I came to an epiphany: I am spending entirely too much of my time on worthless boys. Now, I know, it's taken an embarrassingly long time for me to come to this decision, but at least I did.

When all the alcohol and champagne finally wore off, it hit me how old I am getting and I had the inevitable momentary mid-life crisis. It was then that I made a monumental decision: I am starting over.

As of my birthday, I am wiping away the past and starting off with a clean slate. This means I am done with any of the boys from before my birthday, especially including NJ Boy, Moneybags and Slingarm. I have wasted too much time waiting for them to call, wondering what they're up to, dwelling on their feelings for me, all the while knowing (but not admitting to myself) that it was never going to go anywhere with any of them (yes, partly due to my own commitmentphobia, but that's irrelevant).

So there you go: I am a year older and making a brand new start. I am a blank slate, a virgin, if you will. I am going to make better decisions and stop throwing my time away on guys that don't even call. Take that isle of lost men! You no longer have control over me.