One Party, Lots of Inappropriate

Last night I took my girlfriend S to an event a hot new club that was being hosted by Sketchy McSketcherson. Not only did I meet his barely legal girlfriend, he informed that she recently moved in with him and then promptly asked me if I would like to go back to their place for a threesome.

No joke.

I politely declined, as politely as you can decline a 40-year old's invitation to have a threesome with him and his 20-year old girlfiend, but he kept on insisting until I eventually left.

As if that wasn't enough, Sketchy McSketcherson introduced me to a cute guy that I was chatting with. He was nice, smart, interesting, but slightly ADD. He wandered off at some point to "go to the bathroom" and my girlfriend S had hit it off with his friend, so I was feeling like the third wheel and went to the bar to get a drink.

And there, I found him hitting on another girl and within moments dancing with her on the dance floor and making out like there was no tomorrow. I'm not kidding, guys, this was like full on grinding-on-the-dance-floor-sex-with-clothes-on-in-the-middle-of-a-crowded-club making out the likes of which haven't been seen since high school homecoming.

Let's just say all this inappropriateness plus an open bar equals an enormous hangover and a mysterious bruise I found on my knee this morning that is this incredible shade of green/purple/red/brown that I have never seen before and didn't previously know existed in nature.

To sum it all up in one word: Ouch.