Think Of My V As a Vase

So tonight, my girlfriend R and I were both watching The Real Housewives of New York while it was airing and texting each other commentary throughout the show.

One of the girls we find hilarious, Bethany, is single and dating in New York City and makes a passing comment that her new sex policy with guys is that they should think of her v(agina) as a vase. If they want access, then they need to send flowers.

And of course, this sent R and I into a furor of texting:

R: Think of my V as a vase!!

S: I'm dying. It's our new motto: Think of my vagina as a vase. If you sleep with me you owe me flowers. Omg R think of all the guys we'll never be allowed to sleep with again.

R: Oh, I know!

S: Fact: If flowers were a prerequisite for sex, you and I would never get laid again.

R: Fact: If I waited until the second date, I'd never have sex.

S: Hmmmm, then our new motto isn't looking very good.

We then proceeded to wonder why in the hells Kelly did her jogging in the middle of Fifth Ave, as in she takes up the left lane and has cabs surrounding her, while she's pleasantly jogging, oblivious to the fact that she's stopping traffic and that if the taxi behind her would man up, he could run her over.

S: Seriously,why is she running down the middle of Fifth Ave? Why isn't that cab running her over?

R: I don't know!

S: I will pay any one of those cabies $50 to drive past her at full speed, so they don't kill her, but just freak her out.

So to sum this episode up, R and I adopted Bethany's theory on sex for about ten seconds before we realized that it would prevent us from having any sex ever. And now I have to find a cab driver I can bribe to drive really fast past Kelly when she is jogging in the middle of a lane on Fifth Avenue.

It was a really productive hour of television watching on a Tuesday night.

And yes, I am already planning on starting a liveblog where R and S comment on crappy reality television as it occurs in real time. It's going to be a hit!!!