Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Ugly Dudes

Ok, so I'm doing my regular Tuesday night ritual of watching The Real Housewives of New York and texting my friends snarky comments about the women that we don't like on the show (that would be you Kelly Bensimon - your owl jewelry is hideous!).

Then, my favorite, Bethany, announced her theory on dating ugly versus hot dudes, which is something that I have been pondering ever since my sister E suggested that I start dating uglier guys because there's less of a chance that they will be assholes in the long run.

E's Theory:

Ugly guys are so desperate and excited to get a girl that they will treat you well, instead of being players and assholes like the hot guys, who take getting a girl for granted. Yes, there is a chance of social awkwardness and nerdiness, but that's the trade-off in the long run for not having someone treat you like shit.

I have been rebuking her theory because, really, I just don't see the point of hitting on someone I find unattractive to begin with. That, and I'm scared of guys that live in their parents' basements with their giant collections of porn and Star Trek action figures.

Bethany's Theory:

Uglier guys are more problematic to date because they never get over their ugly duckling syndrome of not being able to get girls in high school, so years later their insecurities still surface. Therefore, even though they might be successful and good catches on paper, they have a high likelihood of having issues and cheating in an attempt to make up for all their personal self doubts.

The more attractive guys, on the other hand, are confident in themselves and when they finally commit to someone, they don't feel the need to stray. And all of those issues of feeling the need to prove oneself and be a cool player don't exist.

This is the first time I've ever heard this line of reasoning, especially since E has practically been beating me over the head to hit on the uglies at bars instead of, oh, the ones that I think are good looking.

Obviously, it's a very fine line to walk. Sometimes the uber-gorgeous guys tend to be the biggest players because they can get all the girls and they know it all too well.

But the more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that some of the biggest assholes I have ever known slash dated have been the ones that had issues of insecurity. Our problems always stemmed from the fact that they needed me to constantly reassure them, or that I felt they were trying to prove something to themselves, which I wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

The fact is I am an incredibly strong-willed and strong-minded girl and sometimes that comes off as arrogance or over-confidence. But that means that it takes a guy with a backbone to put me in my place when need be, and be totally secure on his own before he walks into a room with me.

Anyone that couldn't handle that is just going to look for validation elsewhere and that would inevitably lead to cheating, be it physically and/or emotionally. And needless to say, I'd never wish that on myself or someone that I'm dating.

So now, I am just validated in my conviction to continue to date attractive guys and snub the ugly dudes. And I have Bethany to back me up on that one. True fact.

Rebuke, E?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Welllll I would argue that often the attractive assholes are secretly harboring some insecurities of their own. I can't argue that the unattractive aren't insecure in their own ways, and I agree that you need a guy who can stand up to you, but if there's a not-as-attractive guy out there who has the balls to hit on you, then I say give him some credit and give him a chance.