Thursday, July 17, 2008

Baby Mama Drama

So this past weekend, I had a brilliant idea. I was discussing with my fried K how we would like to have children someday even if we don't get married, and how we will go about doing so. She plans on having a friend donate his seed to the cause, but I came up with a far more awesome scenario.

Say you want to have a baby but absolutely do not want to know who the father is, and don't want the child to be able to figure out who the father is either. How would you go about doing so, other than getting a bunch of guys to squirt into a large bucket and turkey basting it?

Ooooh that's right, you would have a sex romp to get knocked up!

Picture this: it's the week of ovulation and you have a massive week of nonstop sex with so many guys that paternity testing would be far too difficult and expensive.

Obviously, there are a few kinks to work out. All the guys have to be the same ethnicity and roughly the same coloring. Avoiding STDs would be a good idea. And as my friend R pointed out, at some point having all that nonstop sex would be exhausting (and possibly painful).

This could be a very lengthy process, that involves years of planning and research and questionnaires and paperwork, but I'm seeing so many options: reality TV show, memoir, multiple visits to Oprah (or at the very least Maury). Come on folks, dream with me here.

For some reason, the people I have shared my idea with are not too enthusiastic and told me it sounds all kinds of ridiculous (no way!). Nevertheless, I'm keeping the option out there for Operation: Sex Romp Baby (what do we think of the name?).

As my friend K pointed out, as we formulated this plan, "Wow, this is going to be one messed up kid."

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