Some More J-Boy Hilarity (At His Expense)

In a continuation of my post from yesterday, apparently I was not done with J-Boy yet. After dwelling on my words from yesterday, he came back full force today with a whole buttload of drama and fighting words. I remember the good ole days when dumping someone meant you would just stop returning their calls and block them on AIM. The one time I go and take the high road because I'm trying to practice what I preach, of course, the boy goes ape-shit. When did boys become such drama queens? Ok, yes, it's partly my fault for "breaking up" with him over instant messenger, but seriously...

Below is a snippet of the conversation that took place today, and before you go judging me too harshly please remember that I already told him yesterday that I just want to be friends, and for some reason, the kid just didn't get it and kept pushing my buttons until I had to spell it out for him:

J-Boy: I have a lot of issues when it comes to relationships, whether it be a girlfriend or just a friend.... I really don't enjoy opening myself up to someone just to be rejected - who does, I know... I feel it has to be a two-sided road when it comes to any type of relationship... otherwise, what's the point?
J-Boy: So
J-Boy: I don't know how to react when I hear that you're "not willing to put in any effort"....
J-Boy: I know that you're beyond busy, and things have been really hectic for you.... so I've tried not to make such a big deal about getting together and respect your situation and not add to it...
J-Boy: But you don't seem to have any issues when it comes to getting together with your friends, getting set up by your friends, or hanging with cowboys... (my favorite part!)
J-Boy: So, how do I interpret that...
Me: I think you interpret it as exactly what I told you yesterday
Me: I wasn't willing to make any extra effort to see you
Me: which was kind of a sign
J-Boy: Of?
Me: That I'm not that into you... (OUCH! I know, but he backed me into a corner there!)
J-Boy: So now that it's clear you're not into me anymore, don't wanna see me... I don't know what you want from me then?
Me: I would like to be friends. (Isn't this just something that you are required to say? And don't people know by now that when you say it, you don't really mean it? Kind of like how "it's not you, it's me" always translates to "it's not me, it's really actually because you're a freak.")
J-Boy: How can I be friends with someone who is not willing to put an effort into seeing me...
J-Boy: I don't enjoy getting shot down every time I ask you to get together...
J-Boy: So how would that be any different?
J-Boy: It's a two-sided road. (Once again with the two-sided road - get a new metaphor already!)
J-Boy: And I'm not gonna call you a bitch. (Thanks for the favor, buddy.)
J-Boy: I probably should though... (I take back my former thanks.)

I can't help but find the whole thing humorous, which is probably wrong, but I have only been casually seeing the poor kid for less than two months - if there wasn't a clear sign to run for the hills before, this was probably it.

Last Time I Dump Someone I'm Not Dating Over Instant Messenger, I SWEAR

One thinks that I would've learned my lesson last time (with Coworker Boy), but noooo. J-Boy has been increasingly infuriating me, and today at work he wouldn't stop instant-messaging me about when I'd be free to hang out with him again. I had finally had it, so I told him we didn't have to discuss it at that particular moment, but that I thought it would be better if we didn't make any plans and just continued a relationship as friends.

Then, instead of waiting until later to discuss it, he persisted in asking me why I felt that way until I just told him the truth: he's driving me crazy and I find him to be annoying despite the fact that he is a perfectly nice, considerate person. There's no real reason why - I just don't see a future there and I've had an epiphany recently: I am not willing to settle, and I'm not willing to waste my time with anyone less than worthy of it.

Was it cowardly of me to "break up" with him over instant messenger? Yes. Should I have done it in person, or at least over the phone? Yes, but that would require me seeing or talking to him again, which I was obviously not willing to do. And, really, we've only known each other for two months, never exclusively seeing each other, so how much do I really owe him?

Settling

Tonight I went out to a fantastic suchi dinner with a friend of mine I haven't seen in a long time, actually not since way before my breakup. As we caught up on life and what we've been doing with ourselves, he suddenly commented, "You look so much happier and healthier than the last time I saw you...you're like glowing. You look great!"

I was pretty taken aback by the comment, but I thought about it and said, "Yes, I guess I am a lot happier than when you saw me last. In an odd way, the breakup was the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Considering he had been advocating my breakup for years before it happened (for quite possibly what were selfish reasons at the time), I wasn't too surprised he supported my decision, but it was still reassuring to hear that I had done the right thing. He had told me pretty much for the entire duration of my relationship that the guy wasn't good enough for me and I was clearly settling because I was comfortable, and mistaking that for real happiness.

In some ways, he was right, but I think a lot of people (including him) have unknowingly fallen into this trap. He has been with his current girlfriend for five years because she is an absolute sweetheart that will put up with him, but that hasn't stopped him from cheating on her (and propositioning me) throughout the years. They are moving in together in May and my guess is they will be engaged in another year or so. It leads me to wonder how many people are putting up with each other and working through their relationships because they are too afraid to see what else is out there and be on their own.

Just Because

My friend S told me not too long ago that she gets through the bad dates in Manhattan (of which there are many, in case you can't tell from this blog), by telling herself that her future husband is out there, reading or watching TV, or preparing for bed. I found this idea sweet and hopeful, but I think this card more accurately reflects my feelings of the moment.

My particular rant of the day: what is up with all the twenty somethings that feel the need to get hitched? I just found out that my ex-boyfriend from high school just proposed to his girlfriend (who coincidentally, we also went to high school with, but they didn't start dating until they ran into each other two years ago randomly). If you really, truly want to spend the rest of your life with someone, what's wrong with waiting for a couple years to be sure - after all, you're going to have the rest of your life together anyway, right?

Obviously, I know couples who have "known" they were meant to be together from the very beginning of their relationships, and I totally understand and support their decisions to enter into matrimony. I just don't get the people who are rushing into marriage. I look at the decisions I made two, three years ago and I wouldn't trust that person to make a life-altering choice, so I don't particularly trust myself to know what's best for future self three years or ten years down the line.

Am I being too cynical?

Jersey Boys

Last night, I went to a birthday party at a bar in midtown. We were in a private back room, which was incredibly nice, but meant there were absolutely no single boys anywhere in the vicinity. Deciding I had to do something about this, I wandered into the main room of the bar and found two cute prospects. I approached them, said hi, and invited them to the back-room party. Somewhat surprisingly, they came with me and promptly started buying the birthday boy and girl shots, fitting right in.

Here came the dilemma: both boys were attractive, the same age, and fun to hang around. Which one was I interested in? Seriously, what a horrendous problem to have. If only I had this problem more often...I spoke and flirted with both of them for a while, and got a clear vibe from one of them that he was into me. We had a lot in common and he was definitely a cutie, so I was more than ok with this. From here on in, he will be referred to as Jersey Boy.

The rest of the evening consisted of blatant flirting including some under-the-table hand-holding (yes, adorable). The end of the night was somewhat awkward since there were three of us (the friend couldn't take the hint to leave us alone). Even stranger, the friend was the one who asked me if we could hang out again and had me give him my phone number. As I left to go home, I felt thoroughly confused about which boy I was potentially dating in the future.

Luckily, within the half hour, Jersey Boy had texted me hello, so I suppose his friend acquiring my phone number was just a ruse to pass it along to Jersey Boy. We texted on and off throughout today and made tentative plans to hang out next week. Hopefully, this time, his friend won't be in attendance.

No Means No!

Yesterday I went to a birthday party hosted by one of my friends from college. There were a variety of college pals there, and one of them, A, found out that I was now newly single. Upon this discovery, the conversation went as follows:

A: You're single? Do you want to go to dinner tomorrow?
Me: No, I have plans tomorrow night.
A: What about Sunday?
Me: I'm pretty busy then too.
A: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?
Me: Sorry, I'm really busy this week.
A: What about 2009?
Me: No, A, I'm sorry. I do not want to go out with you.
A: Why not?
Me: Because I'm not interested!
A: What about 2010?
Me: NO!
A: 2011?
Me: A, I can't be any clearer. Never meants never. N-E-V-E-R.
A: So that's a maybe then.

It's amazing how boys can interpret things the ways they want to see them, isn't it?

Follow Up: I just found out that A texted one of my friends, asking her when I will be going out with him. I remember the phrase "when hell freezes ever" entering my vocabulary.

Happy Endings?

Today I spoke to my friend N who told me he had read my blog for the first time and enjoyed it (thanks N!), but that I had to start having some successful dates (as if I didn't know that already!) or it was going to start getting depressing.

Although I knew he was (partially) kidding, the whole thing got me thinking. I am in the process of converting my blog posts and experiences into a novel (if you are a literary agent and like what you see, call me!), and am about 30% of the way through it. Lately, I've realized I have to figure out how I am going to end it so I can start moving my protagonist in some sort of direction. And the truth is I have absolutely no idea how it's going to end, because I have no idea how my story ends.

I'm not sure I believe in the idea of a traditional happy ending, as much as I would like to. I grew up with fairy tales and the idea that once you met someone, that was the happy ending. They never discuss how difficult and torturous what comes after can be. I thought from a young age that my future would include marriage, kids, the house in the burbs, and never even fathomed it could go another way. Now, I'm realizing that may not be the path my life follows, and I have to come to peace with the fact that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I guess my conundrum is: what is the happy ending then, if it doesn't involve Prince Charming? I'll let you know when I find out.

J-Boy Disaster

Today, I was sitting at my desk working away when one of my coworkers walked up to me with a huge vase of orchids. "Oh, who are those for?" I asked.

"You!" he smiled, as he set them down on my desk.

Then I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"You don't look delighted," he commented. "Who are they from? One of your suitors?"

I opened the card and groaned. They were from J-Boy because he knew I was going through a tough week and had been considerate enough to send me flowers to cheer me up.

Why was I so disgusted with the gesture?

I have made it abundantly clear to this boy on multiple occasions that he is NOT my boyfriend, and I have no desire for him to act as such. The act of sending flowers was far too much for me.

Conundrum of the day: how do you break up with someone you're not even really dating?

So Proud!

Apparently, me whining to my friends has a positive effect sometimes!

I have been complaining to my guy friend R about all the horrid guys I've been meeting, and especially about the "incident" with Logan Boy standing me up and never calling me again. Poor R has had to sit through many a conversation of, "But why didn't he ever call me?"

So R called me today to tell me a story that made me sooooo proud.

He was watching the football game at a bar with his friend (YAY GIANTS!) when this table of girls next to him initiated conversation and one of them in particular started flirting with him. He's a friendly guy, so he was talking to her, but not particularly interested in the slightest.

At the end of the night, when he was taking off, she offered to give him her number. And then, sweet, adorable R thought of me (and how miserable I had been with boys saying they would call and then never following up) and he didn't take it! In the end, the girl ended up being rather forceful and writing her number on a receipt and giving it to his friend, but the point of the anecdote was that R never told her he would call and set her up only to be disappointed. Instead, he was truthful and endured a thoroughly awkward moment.

If only more boys (and girls) would do this, I think it wouuld spare a lot of hurt feelings later on. So, R, today you (and Eli Manning) are my heroes.

Der!

Last night, out with friends, I met this guy (UES Boy). As the night was coming to an end, our conversation went something like this:

UES Boy: Do you want to go get dinner?

Me: Actually, we had some pizza before, and it's like 10:30 now, so I don't think I'm going to be very hungry for a while. I mean I just had dinner, so I really think I'm ok with food right now.

(Awkward Pause)

UES Boy: I meant...some other time.

Me: Huh?

(Light bulb goes off)

Me: OOOOOOH you're asking me out!

UES Boy: Trying to...

Me: Suuuuuure.

Yes, it was truly one of my better moments.

Reverting Back to High School

Many, many years ago in high school existed the boy that got away, who we are appropriately calling High School Boy. We never dated really (although, really, what is considered dating in high school? Going to see a movie and holding hands?), but there was a mutual crush/attraction that lasted pretty much all four years.

I think the fact that it never actually panned out into anything made it seem all the more romantic when we caught up again years later in the city. And last night, after years of wondering, we had our first date.

Aside from being intensely awkward (how do you catch up someone on your entire life since high school?), it became absurdly clear that we were totally different people, and at that, not very compatible people. To be honest, we were probably not compatible in high school either, but no one knows any better then.

We still had a great time, and at the very least, it was fascinating to see what he was like as a grown-up, after remembering him as a teenager all these years. What's even funnier is that he's still interested in me, and expressed the desire to see me again.

I suppose I will probably see him again (really, why not?), but in a way the whole thing has been another disappointment in a long series of them. Had we never met up, I could've maintained my memories of our unfulfilled high school romance, rather than knowing that it never would've worked out. I suppose that's how these things go.

Great Things About Being Single

1) Choosing whatever pizza toppings you want
2) Your DVR isn't filled up with South Park and Family Guy reruns so there is plenty of room for the important shows, such as Gossip Girls and Project Runway
3) Making out with random cute boys in bars
4) The freedom to wear any clothes that you want
5) Hanging out with all the friends he didn't like whenever you damn well please
6) Staying out all night long and not answering to anyone about your whereabouts
7) Cigarettes
8) Blatantly checking guys out on the street, in cafes, in restaurants, in bars, at work, in stores, in elevators, on the train, with the binoculars from your bedroom window, in cabs, at the doctor's office, and so on and so forth
9) The extra counter space in the bathroom
10) No one reprimands you for your extravagant shoe/handbag/clothing purchases (What? I totally needed those black Chanel ballet flats)
11) Guilt-free flirting
12) The best of all: single girlfriend bonding time

Logan Boy's a Dick

Sorry for the long lapse in posts, but I have had a rough time since getting back from South Africa (which for the record, was the most amazing vacation ever). Upon arriving back in the USA, what was the first thing I did? Oh yes, I checked my cell phone messages.

One message from Time Warner about my cable service, two from agencies, one wrong number, and a few calls from friends later, I came to this realization:

Logan Boy had never called with an explanation for why he stood me up before I left for my trip. Please tell me, what kind of person goes out with a girl, calls her the next day to ask her out again, speaks to her the next day, and then decides to stand her up the day of their pre-planned date? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure people like that should wear signs that say, "I AM AN ASSHOLE." At the VERY least, have the decency to call me and cancel BEFORE you decide to stand me up and drop off the face of the earth.

My friend E told me to get used to this, and that I'm lucky it took so long for me to get totally screwed over like this. If this is truly what dating is like, I am dunzo.

Penguin Love

Anyone that knows me at all knows about my not-so-secret obsessions with penguins. Since watching "March of the Penguins" a few years ago, I have been fascinated by these amazing creatures and their ability to endure trials simply to mate.

Today, one of my dreams came true and I got to walk along the beach and swim with African penguins. They're really little, unlike the Emperors in most documentaries, but they are truly adorable little waddlers that look like they're dressed up in tuxedos. They nest all over the warm oceanic beaches of South Africa and there are beaches here just full of little black and white specks of penguins.

One of the truly endearing characteristics of penguins is that they are monogamous and mate for life. In African penguin culture, both the male and female take turns caring for their eggs while the other one goes out to fish for the family. It is truly a reciprocal relationship and all over the beaches you can see them divided up into little groups of two. They actually kiss and spoon and nap together. I was watching two penguins nap snuggled up together in a nook when a foreign penguin invaded their nest. Both jumped up to attack him and protect their nest and after the drama had concluded, they patted each other down to make sure the other one was ok. It was probably one of the most touching displays I've ever witnessed firsthand.

Oh, To Be a Giraffe!

Unfortunately, I did not take this picture and saw nothing quite this exciting on the safari today, but I learned a lot about African wildlife and saw some exotic animals up close and personal. Since there were absolutely no males of interest on the safari (unless you think homosexual 15-year-olds are interesting), there was little to focus on other than the lives of the animals themselves.

In this particular safari reserve, there are only two giraffes: one male and one female. They are both very young (their colors are much lighter than the ones in the above picture, because apparently they develop their darker coloring as they age), and not ready to mate. However, the hope is that when they reach maturity, they will render each other weak at the knees and make little baby giraffes.

In some very strange way, I am slightly jealous of the giraffes. In a way, their lives (and loves) are all laid out for them. Dating in the human world tends to be much more complicated

Other fun facts from the safari:

All the lions do all day is eat, sleep, and have sex. What a life.

When tortoises are handled against their will, they emit a whitish liquid that smells foul.

Rhinos only digest about 45% of the food they intake; therefore in the dry season they can eat their own feces.

Elephants like to eat squash.

Buffalo are surprisingly affectionate and like to be pet on their heads like dogs; they'll still charge you if they deem you a threat though.

Guys who give tours on safaris who have South African accents and are knowledgeable about animals can be extremely hot in spite of the camo-pants-and-safari-hat look.

Striking Out in Capetown

The picture doesn't even do it justice, but Capetown is breathtaking. We are staying right on the water and I look out my window onto the marina and yachts. Across from the hotel is Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned. I'm looking forward to exploring more of the city and surrounding areas in the days to come; it's full of energy and history.

Jet lag hit hard last night and I only got three hours of sleep, so my appearance was the last thing on my mind when I left for the airport this morning. I was wearing my terrycloth sweats and a ratty t-shirt with unwashed hair when of course a stunning creature of a man sat down on the plane. Just my luck. From now on, no matter where I'm going in South Africa, I am going to look fabulous.

We found ourselves standing across from each other at the baggage claim and made flirty eyes at each other. Then my bag came and the romance ended abruptly. Hot South African Baggage Claim Boy, wherever you are, call me!

Greetings from Johannnesburg!

Currently blogging from my hotel lobby using dial-up, so this will have to be a quick post! South African guys are amazingly beautiful and the accent is just killer. Unfortunately, most of the ones I've encountered so far are in the company of an equally beautiful girlfriend/wife. Definitely not fun. I also managed to get a sunburn on my first day sitting out by the pool. Tomorrow morning I take off for Capetown; hopefully there will be more unattached hotties there.

Reflecting on my Boy Psychology post, my luck with guys seems to be waning again. The night before I took off for South Africa, I got text messages from Ph.D. Boy, Finance Boy, and J-Boy all wishing me safe travels. However, Logan Boy seems to have dropped off the face of the earth completely. Days it's been since I've heard from him: 4.

Off to South Africa!

Today, I am off on an exotic vacation to South Africa! In addition to going on a safari and avoiding the hippos (apparently they're quite vicious), walking with penguins on the beach, and sunning myself on the beach, I am hoping to meet a European prince who wants to make me his princess. Hey, miracles can happen!

I will return in a week and a half, hopefully in one piece and full of blogworthy anecdotes.

Cowboys and Lassos and Bulls Oh My!

PBR is in town! E invited me out to a bar to meet some cowboys and have a few drinks. In a whirlwind of cowboy hats, ostrich cowboy boots, and southern twangs, this New York girl was totally out of her element but having a great time. It was also a night of hilarious pickup lines. The highlights below:

Some random 50-year-old from Long Island striking up a conversation and introducing me to his friends as "his future ex-wife." Ew.

A cowboy telling me, "I have to be up at 6AM to ride bulls, but I wouldn't mind getting some practice on you tonight."

Not to be outdone, E's quote of the evening was, "I am so furious I can't even spell furious. How do you spell furious?"

Yee-haw!

2008 Highlights Thus Far

1) J-Boy called me this morning to tell me slept with a girl last night. Then we got into an argument because he finally admitted he wants to be exclusive with me and he's not happy that I'm seeing other people. I thought that I had made it clear to him that I wasn't ready for a relationship, but I wasn't clear enough apparently. Waaaaay too much drama and arguing for New Year's Day.

2) I went to watch football with my friends at a local bar and while I was standing outside, a random guy walked by and said, "You have amazing hair." Then of course my fabulous friend E yells out to him, "It's even amazing-er in bed." As we giggled about this, he crossed the street and yelled, "DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES RIGHT NOW?" to which I yelled back, "NO I AM AT A BAR WITH MY FRIENDS." I think that's the last I'll see of that guy. Note to self: chop off all my hair tomorrow.

3) My sister texted me to let me know that she was sitting at dinner with my parents rating my ex-boyfriends. I am sure if I had been privy to this conversation, I would've been furious. Sooooo not cool.